the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
The cops high fived after they tackled you
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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