Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
