my vag is so smooth its legendary
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
