I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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