that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
