The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
