If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
