no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
