Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
