He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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