Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Drake has all the answers
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
