I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
