i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
