I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
