the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
