omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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