So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
