i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
