escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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