Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Alive.
So much puke
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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