I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
