I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
