I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
