the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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