Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
