So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
