The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
