You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
40s are totally the cure
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
