I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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