One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
did you just send me my own nude
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
