Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
