I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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