you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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