we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
