I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
