It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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