ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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