grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
