I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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