an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
