Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
She told me I should be a condom model.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
