this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
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