I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
