shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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