So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
