My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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