Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
