You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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