My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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