Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
