I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
