Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
